A Secret to Keep
by RatherLargeMuffin
Summary: My first fanficion. The Marauders plan the best idea since last week, and Remus makes a vow to the Moon. Will it be kept? Or will Sirius find out about this secret too? Slash, possibly!
1. Chapter 1

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A/N: So guys, first off, first one. Sorry for any mistakes, as this hasn't been beta-ed. I just started writing and this came out. It's a little bit plotless but I think I might do a Sirius POV and then...actually I dunno, haha. Need your help there!

Be nice 'cause I'm a wee fanfiction virgin :P, read and give me you thoughts. If you hate it, why bother flaming, it's just a waste of your time. Non?

**Love Weasie** xxx

**Disclaimer: **No, they aren't mine. I wish they were. I wish upon a streetlamp every night but it just never seems to happen to me. Oh, the shame.

**Warning**: Possibly slash, depends how you guys take it.

* * *

I'm confused by you. You make me happy and sad in a single sentence. You can change my demeanor in a word and make it last for days. I sit for hours thinking of you without realising and when I do I try and banish you from my mind. It never works, you reappear soon enough, to embrace my whirling thoughts.

I've stopped eating, I hardly speak, you are ruining me. I want to hate you for that, but you are impossible to hate.

Sometimes you seem to feel the same way, you smile at me and make me laugh. And cause me to forget where I am. Just for that moment I believe me and you could be happy together. Laugh, cry, play. Then you say something insultive or hurtful and the spell breaks. I want to cry, to hurt you, to make you realise how much pain I'm in. But I can't do that, I couldn't do that to anyone. I burden this on myself only.

So I smile blandly or pretend not to care. Or make up some reason why my face has fallen so low.

"What's up Moony?"

"Oh, nothing." I shrug. "Just thinking."

"You do that too much, you know, it's bad for you."

"I know." Of course I know. I should just lean over and whisper my love in your ear and laugh at James' and Peter's widening eyes. But I won't, I will never. Too scared of rejection from you. Too scared, of however much you pretend, the inevitable mutilation of our relationship, of the end of The Marauders, of us.

So Sirius, my friend, source of my pain. I shall stay silent. Retreat this secret within myself. This one I promise to the Moon you shall not find out about.

* * *

"Moons?"

"Uh huh?"

"What is it Padfoot?" Surely not more important than Ancient Runes?"

Sirius scoffs, snorts right into the back of my head and my hair fluffs up.

"Anythings better than translating how horny the monks were back then."

I turn the page. "Is everything about sex with you, Paddy?"

"I'm a growing boy." He looks affronted so I copy his expression.

"Me too."

"You're different though Moons."

"How so?"

"You're special."

"I know, I'm your saviour, aren't I, Pads?"

"Mmmm."

He turns to me for a hug and clings like a child, his necklaces, cold, bang up against my face and neck and burn. James arrives, we break apart and although the hug was uncomfortable, I yearn for it back.

James stares into my eyes.

"You alright, Moony? You're looking a bit white."

"Fine, Prongs...honestly, I am."

"If you say so."

Him and Sirius sit down across from me in some comfy armchairs and despite looking so different their actions suggest they are brothers. Both curl their stockinged feet into the rich red carpet and smile in the same corner of their mouths. They rock forwards towards me at the same time. And I know the look in their faces; they have an idea to run past me. A supposedly good idea, leading no doubt, to causing absolute havoc.

Oh, I could not wait.

"How many people are going to get hurt?" I ask, ignoring the pain on Sirius' face.

"None," says James; hazel eyes brimming with excitement from behind steel frames and lose strands of hair. "Comedy value only."

"You're sure?"

"Trust us, Moons," and I did. Because his eyes meeting mine, those silver grey eyes and they were growling with thunderous thrill.

I shut my book, "Alright," I say smiling slightly, "Fill me in."

* * *

"AWW! NOO!! Remus, tell them I can't."

"Sorry, Peter, but you know the house elves better than anyone. They trust you. They actually like you."

"Yeah, Pete, Moony's right, you'll be perfect for the job."

Peter sighs dramaticly and pretends to be disgusted with the idea of tricking his beloved house elves but I knew he was like us, caught in the chase. He felt the need for the buzz we always get when our ideas go right. It's like nothing you've ever felt before, your hands go all shaky and your teeth chatter, the best feeling in the whole world.

I watch as Pete practically skips to the kitchen and Sirius giggles beside me.

"This is going to be fucking brilliant," he breathes and I nod and twitch a grin in his direction. We begin to walk up to Charms which we were already five minutes late for. As per usual.

We walk in comfortable silence and I use the time to examine my friend. He changes everyday, you know. Changes his hair, his stance, his walk, sometimes his accent just because he feels like it.

Today his shoulder length black wavy hair was lose, swinging with his steps, falling over his smoky grey eyes. Sometimes he lines his eyes, but recently he seemed to think that it was shallow so he no longer does so. His robes were lose around his slim build and his tangle of necklaces and pedants jangle against his body when he walks, they apparently warn off evil spirits of past Blacks. He wears Doc Martins, because they are cool and they piss off his mother. He looks so much older than his sixteen years but at the same time he is the most immature person I know.

He sees me looking. He smiles widely at me. Reaches over and grabs me round the shoulder, pulls me into a one armed hug. We stop walking and he places his chin on the top of my head. Over four inches taller than me, two more than James. Though I think James will catch up soon, as he is becoming more gangly by the day, he is all elbows and knees.

"Sirius?" I mumble into his chest.

"Yeah?"

"Charms; we're late."

"I know, but I feel that making an entrance is important and we need to make sure people are settled down before we try. Besides I know all of Charms."

I lift my head up to look into those deep eyes. "All of Charms? Sure, Paddy, sure."

He tries not to laugh, "Okay, okay not all of it but I know what I want to know. Is there any need to learn more?" He gives me no time to answer, possibly because he knows what I'm going to say. "No, no there is not."

I huff and commence walking again. He bites his lip in a grin and starts after me. Ten seconds into it and he stops walking.

"What now, Paddy?" I'm getting a bit exasperated now, I do actually want to attend some of my class after all.

"Moons, you know if...if...if you listen to a proper sad song and you get those chills?" He looks at me for conformation and I dip my head in agreement.

"Yes, I know."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you get those chills?"

He does that often, catches me out, because I truly did not know the answer to his question. He asks me many questions I don't have the answer to, or I do, it's just that I can't tell him the answer.

"I actually don't know Paddy."

"Oh..okay." He's not disappointed that I don't know. But I would have still liked to have the answer just to give him it.

"Maybe something to do with the way you react to grief."

"I thought you cry."

"People can do a lot worse than cry."

"Like what?"

"Like..." he's so cutely naive, "..like...hurting others, killing themselves, going mad."

"I'm glad none of us are in grief then."

"I am." I tease and he narrows his eyes at me.

"Why?" he says suspicously.

"Cos I'm missing Charms. C'mon you sloth."

"Sloth?! Is that the best you can come up with?" But I'm not listening, too busy running to get to Charms, too busy worrying about how close I got to telling Sirius what I'm grieving over really. Of telling him of the love I'm oppressing.

* * *

The plan was simple. Poison the whole school. Only, there was complications.

Firstly the house elves trust none of us except Peter to come to the kitchen just before and after meal times mainly due to earlier events. This means we must entrust a huge amount of responsibility to the small boy, bless him. I know he will do well, people trust him. So the house elves will too.

Secondly the potion was, well difficult. Though thankfully the ingredients were easy to get to. I would however have to convince my friend, James' object of lust and potion extraordinaire Lily Evans to make it for us. As none of The Marauders have any talent whatsoever when it come to making potions.

Peter and I are the worst. Anywhere near the mixture we go and the whole thing explodes in our faces, burning not just us but anyone nearby. Last lesson, Slughorn left the room for two minutes and when he came back, the whole class was covered in Disturbing Draft. James grew a wart that looked rather like a chimney coming out of his nose. And Alex Darcey-Lee's ear hair was catching in between the flagstones. He had to hold up off the floor to walk properly.

And the potion itself? It was beautiful. I mean the idea was wonderful. James found it in the Restricted Section of the library when he was looking for a charm to give Snape new found curves; it changes the drinker into the animal they like most, so Sirius will be a black dog and James a stag but I doubt Peter will be a rat. I, on the other hand have no idea. I obviously won't be the wolf because I hate it. Perhaps a panther, I like their green eyes, how they shine in the dark.

The best part though, I am shameful to say but, is that the potion lasts for a whole day and there is no known antidote so the school is going to be in chaos. I made sure however that Sirius had promised to lock the library before breakfast. He did so ungratefully and I scolded him.

So he mocked me, "Remie, Remie and his precious books, on which he wastes all his good looks."

"Haha, how amusing."

"Love your sarcasm Moons. It suits your face shape." Only Sirius calls me Moons, I don't know why.

* * *

"Lily, how are you? We've not spoken in a while."

"What? Remus, could you speak a bit louder I can't hear you over James' awful singing."

"HOW ARE YO--Lily! You didn't need to do that!"

"I did, Remus, I know he's your friend but he deserved it. The song was really quite disrespectful."

"He deserved something, I don't believe it needed to be quite so harsh."

"He'll come round soon. Don't worry. There probably won't even be a bruise."

I give Lily a reproachful look but she just smiles and motions towards the seat next to her. I sit down and sigh, lean back into the warm embrace of the Gyffindor common room sofa, the seat sifts slightly underneath me and I hear it exhale slowly as I sink into it.

"What was it you wanted Remus?"

"I need help with a potion."

"Now..." I knew Lily had guessed, I knew it. "..is that a potion for class, or for the magnificent Marauders?"

"For..umm...a class." I suggest uneasily, trying a small smile for the fiery red-head. She scrutises me for a moment, her famous jade eyes set against mine. Then her face breaks into a loud bark of laughter.

"Whatever, Remus. I refuse to believe you. But..." She pretends to be making a hard decision. "I suppose I could help you, just this once, then you'll maybe forgive me for the crime against your friend."

"What crime? Where?" I stare around wide-eyed and in shock. "Lily? What have you do--...oh."

James lay still unconscious on floor. His lips painted rouge, cheeks a bright pink and his eyelids a blinding sky blue, his eyelashes had grown about a inch and his hair, newly dyed peroxide blond sat in two little plaits on either side of his head. The words "Lily Evans screwed with this" circled his neck like a choker necklace and they change from pink to yellow and back again.

"Cruel, Lily, very very cruel."

Sirius glides over, "Hey Evans," he nods at me, "Rem." He notices I don't say a word and looks a little hurt. I bow my head towards James and he glances down at the floor. He makes himself sick because he laughs so hard.

* * *

The dorm is a little cold as I enter and I search for the draught. Peter lies asleep next to the open window. His face is turned to the breeze as a flower to the sun and I suppose he left it open to try and keep him awake. The smaller boy snuffles in his sleep as I lean over him to close the window and the bang it makes when I do wakes him up.

"Sorry, Peter." I murmur, "Go back to sleep."

He doesn't hear me and looks around the dorm, his white-blond eyelashes are strangely bright in the half-light and his watery blue eyes look kind of lost.

"Hey Rem." He whispers at me, only just noticing I was there. "I talked to the elves."

"You did?"

"Yeah," he yawns, "I felt kinda bad about it to be honest, like the poor things...Anyway, I said that like we had a cheering drink to put in the breakfast drinks sometime next week and that like would they mind helping us to get it out in time, if it wasn't any bother at all, I was totally polite and everything Moony, honestly I was. They totally believed me, I felt like so in control." He beams at me and I ruffle his cream coloured hair.

"You did well, Peter, did really well."

"Thanks."

"Have you seen James?"

"Yeah, I felt bad for him."

"He brought it on himself, you know, Peter. He murdered the 'Southern Girl' song."

"But Lily's from Newcastle."

"I know he changed the words; 'Northern Lass, could ya shag me?' I think was the gist."

Peter shakes his head and I smirk.

"Going to bed?" I ask him and he nods.

"Will you help me with this tomorrow, Remus, its really hard. Professor. Kruisharen was quite mean to us today."

"Sure, Peter, sure I'll help."

* * *

"Got the potion Rems?" James is so brilliantly excited, we are up at the crack of dawn and usually this would kill the boy for the whole day but he is wired, so very very cranked up. His make up has disappeared but the words still circle his neck, they have worn down a little and now read "Evans screwed." I think Karma exists.

I open my mouth to answer but Siruis beats me to it.

"Of course Moons has it, he always does his part the best." He smirks at me and I feel a blush creeping up my neck. "Plus Lily trusts him more than you Prongsie."

James aims a punch in his direction but he ducks and it swings wide.

He hides behind my back in mock terror and squeals, "Quick, young wolfie, defend me."

"Sirius don't say that, someone will hear."

James laughs, "It's half six in the morning outside the kitchens, I doubt even the ghosts are up."

He claps Peter on the back and hands him the huge conical flask in which the fantastic purple potion swirls in, "Go on my son." He commands in a fatherly voice and pushes him gently towards the tickly pear. "We'll see you at breakfast, oh," he fishes in his pockets, "take the map, you don't wanna get lost."

Peter shakly smiles and takes the map. Sirius winks in his direction. "Make us proud, boyo." He is Welsh today.

We move off together and I look over my shoulder to see Peter disappearing behind a solid wooden door that wasn't there before.

James cheers suddenly and I jump. "Prank number 6489 in action, success predicited?"

"Total fucking sweet success." Sirius high-fives James and the two of them giggle. I shake my head and tut and so they pull me into a double hug, James on one side, Sirius pressed slightly harder in my other.

"We won't let go until you tell us how actually amazing this day is going to be."

"This day will absolutely amazing; happy now?"

"No."

"Umm...why not? By the way, I'm losing the will to live here."

"You have to tell us what animal you're going to be."

"I actually have no clue."

Sirius loosens his grip on me, "I think you'd be an eagle."

"An eagle?" Me and James look lost, "Why, an eagle?"

"Because," He lets me go and stares into my eyes properly, "You have the right eyes, watchful and observant and...like...deep. You're definitely a golden eagle. You like them too, don't you. You told me once that they should use them instead of owls."

I feel my mouth curl at the edges, he remembers? But that was so long ago.

James lets go of me as well and stands beside Sirius, "He's right you know. About you. He knows you too well."

I laugh quietly. "Not joking," James says, "he does. Knows you better than anyone."

The awkward moment is broken and forgotten as Peter comes tearing out of the kitchen, the colossal conical flask containing only a few dregs.

"I did it!" He shouts joyfully on spotting us. "I actually did it."

"Knew you could Pete." I say and he grins at me toothily.

"Did you do the staff?" James questions but I step in.

"I told him not to."

"Why, Moony, that would have been class."

"Incase someone turns into a fish or a dolphin or something and needs water to survive."

"God, Moony. You think of everything. You genius."

I laugh.

We head up to the Gryffindor tower so we are not suspiciously turning up to breakfast two hours early.

* * *

**A/N**: So I stopped it there because it was getting awful long and I didn't know whether it was worth it or not to keep going.

The song 'Southern Girl' is by Incubus and is actually so romantic, but I love the idea of James trying his best and completely ruining it.

So review guys, go on. _**Spread the love**_...xxx


	2. Chapter 2

So; yeah. I know. It's been forever and I probably wasn't worth waiting. :D.

But I have had a couple of problems and I think that's a worthy excuse. Is isn't beta-ed so any problems with it please please tell me.

So, um...it finishes very early but I'm kinda struggling with what to do with it because I've been writing other stuff.

This is from Sirius' POV and I hope that it's very different from Remus'.

Anyway I'll let you read and make up your mind. Thank you _very **very **_**_very_** much to the people who reviewed.

* * *

Moons was nervous, I could tell. He was fidgeting and kept fiddling with that lock of hair that hung in front of his face. I don't know if you know but Moony has the most gorgeous tawny hair, it sort of glows in the light, all different colours; a golden brown, little streaks of white blond, a coppery colour and a brick red near the tips. He doesn't know I know but I do.

I press my leg against his and smile at him in my cute way to reassure him, you see, I know he trust me more than he trusts James. I think it's because the unspoken times. Know, like, that time. That time. He knows I couldn't break his trust again. He knows, well, I think he knows. Perhaps I should tell him, just so he knows.

Anyway I know why Moony is worried. The potion, the draft, the most amazing idea since last week when I turned Lily and her minions into five footers... Ha! That was class.

I giggle.

James hits me. He manages to understand what I'm laughing about all the time. Moony's eyes, like a golden eagles; Moony's are like gold, his eyes, were flicking backwards and forwards between me and James, one of those little bemused smiles on his face. It looks really nice, oh no, no it doesn't, it just looks Moony-ish.

"That wasn't funny, Black."

"It was, Potter."

I draw out the 'Potter' to annoy James but he just ignores me and starts biting his fingernails, well almost his fingertips, he bites his nails so much he barely has any left, like sometimes they even bleed. It's not that he gets nervous, he just needs something to do with his fingers, with his hands in case he accidentally curses someone, coughSnivelluscough.

"Her voice went all high-pitched and squeaky and that brown-haired one that always follows her about, what's her face...you know...know...EVA, hah, she started bawling at the top of lungs and Minerva almost fainted because of the noise."

Moony realises what I'm talking about and clucks disapprovingly at me.

"That was horrible Sirius, the poor girl, she didn't have the resolve that Lily does, she can't deal with all the stuff you and James throw at her and Lily all the time. And the Professor was not going to faint, she's used to your stupidity."

"Me and James? Don't give James the credibility for all these ideas, how dare you!? I am the brains behind the outfit. Minerva would never discredit our, no in fact **my**, ideas as stupid."

"What outfit?"

"This outfit, our outfit, Ze Marauders!...Don't look at me like that Moons, Minerva classes our ideas as completely original, **_my_** ideas."

He shakes his head at me and looks across at Peter, who is trying not to be noticed while staring across the hall.

"Everyone ready? Everyone drunk something?" Moony asks, Peter nods slightly trying his hardest to be inconspicuous so much his face was turning a rather nice purple colour. I wanted a shirt that colour.

You see, the potion, the draft, the most amazing idea since last week has to be activated be a simple spell. So once Peter thinks enough people have drunk some pumpkin juice or milk or coffee or whatever folks drink in the morning, Moony activates.

Hehe, ACTIVIATE!!

Oh, whoops. I appear to have said that out loud and Remy, ohh, Remy, I like that. I like the name Remy. Note to use that more, Remy, anyway, I was saying, Remy has to quickly whisper the spell ever so quietly, he waves his wand under the table and a reddish dust seems to settle on everything. Like the sawdust when you carve your name in the tree.

It itches my skin, and I pull my hands towards my face to see them, the rings were pulling tight against my fingers where they usually slip off at a flick of the wrist. My hands were shortening, the nails growing thicker and pulling back shorter, thick black hair growing over my newly formed paws. I knew this formation well, I knew what happened, how it felt, but it was still very weird to have to happen without my say. I felt my back rise and the tingly feeling in the parts that didn't properly fit in my dog form. They shrink.

My eyesight blurs and the lines go all fuzzy the same as when you get hit on the nose and the tears well up. The colour starts to fade but the shadows come into brighter focus, I can smell everything now, the metallic taste of the shock and fear coming from people who are changing and never had before, the sharp tang of the sausage meat and I can even pick up Snape's unwashed scent from across the great hall.

I slide off the bench in my doggy form. And I desperately search for Moons. I want to see if I was right, if Moony had turned into an eagle, like his eyes.

I could see Prongs standing tall and proud as his stag, his antlers all askew as he tossed his head, no doubt looking for his one true love and bane of his life. Ha, I bet she's a doe; that would be gutting. Thinking she's all high and mighty, above Jamesy-poo and suddenly she realises that she's made for him!

Peter who was sitting opposite me is a...a...a rabbit? Oh, he's going to get ripped for that, he most wants to be a fluffy bunny rabbit, an ikle bunny rabbit. Run rabbit run rabbit run run run. I bark with laughter and he jumps off the tale, clearly letting his little bunny nature take over and be scared to death by the big black doggie. But where was Moons? Where was Remy?

Surely he wasn't the wolf, surely not? I couldn't stop myself getting a little bit worried. I mean what if skinny little Remy had turned into a huge great beast and couldn't stop himself. He would never forgive himself, would he? Not Moony.

There's a sudden stabbing in my back like the pricks of a needle and I am confused, I turn my head from left to right but can't see on my back and the pain is still there. Well, it's not really _pain _as such but whatever it was was digging quite hard in my back and I hate not knowing things. I growl slightly and shake about; starting from the tip of my nose right to the end of my tail but the throbbing still wouldn't go away.

I got a shock as a tiny bright white dragon screeched past me, one of those snowy miniature things, it was in hot pursuit of what I think was Peter the Rabbit and I chuckled in a throaty deep way. As I did the little knifes in my back dug in a little deeper. I decided enough was enough and heaved my two front paws on the table so whatever it was would slide off but it held on. I growled really loudly because I'm scary when I get angry or annoyed and the throbbing went. Finally.

I was just about to turn round to see what the hell had been annoying me when I was on an important mission to find out what Moons had become. When a bird landed on the table on front of me. It was bloody enormous, those huge great black wings and a sort of lighter chest thing, a reddish brown colour. It had a majestic head; almost like it was looking down on everyone else in the world and in its sharp grey talons were lumps of rather familiar black fur. Before I could even start to chase after this horrible hulking great sodding git of a bird, it bends its scaly knees and looks me straight in the eyes. It had golden eyes, with tiny little flicks of green at the edges.

Stupid bird, it had even stolen Remy's eyes. What an arsehole! But the bird cocked his head at me in a way I knew so well I could copy it without fault. I bark joyously, _Moons!_

* * *

I was following Remy as he flew up a tower staircase I wasn't sure—No, I must have been here, we've been everywhere, everywhere for Christ's sake. Anyway, Moony was flying side to side in an effort to let me catch up. I thought I was fast as a dog but he's insanely fast as an eagle. The stairs are difficult with four legs anyway; you get kinda confused because you can't put all four feet on the same step.

I pass a classroom but have to go back for a second look. Remy sees I have stopped and wheels round in annoyance to see why I have stopped. He almost falls out of the sky when he sees.

Jamie the stag is pawing the ground in worry, his antlered head bowed his eyes averted from the staggeringly pretty doe in the corner of the room, she is the colour of the red leaves when they have just fallen from the trees and I could see why the Jamie stag was taken with her. She was advancing on James with a curious look in her eyes, her hoofs taking little cute tentative steps. She reaches James and nudges his antlers. He looks up at her and blinks stupidly.

A wing bumps into my ear and I look across at Remy, he has scribbled something in the dust. Thank God my eyes could see shadows because I could barely read it. But in the thick layer of grime I could just see; _Lily._

I nod my head to show I agree and look back up at the doe and the stag who were getting closer and closer, I couldn't help barking to encourage Jamie along and he turns his head and sese us and charges with his antlers down.

We, me and Remy, run, well, Remy flies, but there you go. Jams runs out of steam when we reach the corner of the corridor but he bellows in grumpy way and I know I'm going to get a bollocking for this later but I couldn't care less. Me and Remy trample into a empty alcove and we collapse together panting, and I really want to change back so we could laugh properly but I try and it's not working.

Remy's wings were outspread and massive and I nudge one with my nose and it flops. He turns his royal head to mine and lazily tells me to stop it with his eyes. I tell him no and lift his wing again, his eyes narrow. We're good at this eye communicating thing.

I nudge him again but he turns away and ignores me. He's been doing that a lot recently, just giving in. You know, we used to have massive discussions together and I would ask him stuff and he would always look for an answer but now he just admits he doesn't know or just gives into a fight.

* * *

So, there you go.

Hope it's okay. And I know it's a bit short and the tense is a bit funny. But well, that's not what matters. :D.

Weasie says review and spread the love

xxx


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